Donor Psychology: Why People Give and How to Ask Well

On a trip to Seoguis, Guatemala, I met a little girl named Maritza. Five months earlier, a Food for the Hungry staff member named Flora had visited her home. Maritza was 13 months old and weighed just over 2 kilograms, about seven pounds. She weighed less at 13 months than any of my own children had weighed at birth. Flora taught her mother, Tomasa, how to prepare more nutritious meals and to feed Maritza five small meals a day. When I met her at 18 months, Maritza was healthy and loved dancing to music on the radio.

Chronic malnutrition affected more than 70% of that community. I had read that number in reports. But Maritza wasn't a statistic, and seeing her changed how I thought about the work and how I talked about it with donors.

That's donor psychology in one story. People don't give to numbers. They give to people, to causes that say something about who they are, and to organizations they trust to make a difference. Understanding that is more important than ever. In 2025, total dollars given rose about 5%, but the number of donors fell about 3.6%, and only about 43% of donors gave again the next year.

Here's what research and two decades of fundraising have taught me about why people give.

People give to one person, not to millions

In a well-known study, researchers Deborah Small, George Loewenstein and Paul Slovic asked people to give to help hungry children in Africa. People gave more to help one identified girl, Rokia, than in response to statistics about millions of children in need. Adding the statistics to Rokia's story actually lowered giving. Psychologists call this the identifiable victim effect.

So lead with one person. Use statistics to show the size of the problem, but let the story carry the ask. Here's more on what happens in the 30 seconds before someone gives.

Donors ask three quiet questions

Before anyone gives, they're asking themselves three things, usually without realizing it:

• Do I care about this? The cause has to connect with something they value.
• Will my gift actually matter? They need to see what their gift does.
• Is this the right moment? Even a donor who cares may say "not now."

That third question matters more than most fundraisers think. A generous donor once told me they cared deeply about our work, but had already reached their giving limit for the year, and asked me to come back after the new year. We did, and they made a five-figure gift. The answer wasn't "I don't care." It was "not right now."

Giving says something about who the donor is

People give to express who they are, to stay connected to people they love, to belong to a community, to see results, to live out their values, to leave a legacy and for the simple joy of it. Here are the reasons people give and how to speak to each one.

The best way to learn which reason drives a donor is to listen for the goal behind the gift. I once worked with a donor who had no dollar goal for his giving. His goal was to provide clean water to one million people in his lifetime, and he'd brought his grown children and his company into it. Once we understood that, we stopped reporting the dollars he'd given and started reporting how many people had clean water because of the projects he funded.

What a donor asks for often points to something deeper

A donor once emailed us, upset. He wanted to give $1,000 toward a well, know exactly where his money went and name the well. That isn't how our clean water funding worked, and the email exchange got unpleasant. Someone on our team suggested we let him go to another organization.

I called him instead. I explained honestly how our funding worked and why we couldn't trace his $1,000 to one well. Once he understood, the conflict changed, and we kept the gift. What he really wanted was to know his gift was real. A phone call gave him that.

Donors want to be asked, clearly

Many fundraisers assume donors dread being asked. Most don't. Donors who care about a cause often expect to be invited, and they're confused when no one asks. Here's what donors actually think when you ask.

I've been afraid to ask, too. I once asked my mentor Tim Smith, author of Donors Are People Too, whether he was ever afraid to ask a donor for money. "Of course," he said. "Jeremy, don't be the Holy Spirit in their life." My job is to present the right opportunity. The decision belongs to the donor.

And once you've asked, stop talking. Early in my career, I made an ask and kept talking instead of waiting for an answer. An older, kind gentleman interrupted me: "Jeremy, Jeremy, stop talking. I'll give you the amount you need." He'd already decided. My talking was the only thing standing between the ask and the gift.

A few choices help, and too many hurt

Before a donor meeting, I usually have three or four opportunities in mind, across different projects, because I want to find the work that fits the donor's heart. I also keep "where needed most" available, because some donors would rather trust us to put their gift where it will do the most good. More on giving donors choices.

Others' giving matters

People look to what others do. In a large field experiment by economists Dean Karlan and John List, simply announcing a matching gift raised revenue per letter by 19% and the share of people who gave by 22%. Larger matches, $2 or $3 for every $1, did no better than a 1:1 match. More on using social proof in fundraising.

Giving makes people happier

In a study published in Science, Elizabeth Dunn and her colleagues gave people $5 or $20. Those told to spend it on someone else were happier by the end of the day than those who spent it on themselves. Giving isn't only a cost to donors. It's one of the ways they find joy. Our job is to help them feel it.

What happens after the gift shapes the next one

When I make small gifts to organizations, the experience often ends with a receipt. Even large organizations that should know better send the receipt and then nothing meaningful. A receipt isn't stewardship.

Donors need to hear that their decision was a good one. Thank them quickly and personally, then show them what their gift did. Here's how to reinforce the donation decision.

Personal attention works even with donors you've lost. When I joined Serving Orphans Worldwide, one of the first things I did was send personal cards to significant donors who had lapsed. The cards thanked them for their past support and introduced me as the new president. Six figures in gifts came back from those donors.

Putting donor psychology to work

• Lead every appeal with one person, not a number.
• Answer the three quiet questions: why it matters, what the gift will do and why now.
• Listen for the goal behind each donor's giving, and report in those terms.
• Ask clearly, then stop talking.
• Offer three or four options, plus "where needed most".
• Use matches and social proof honestly.
• Thank quickly and personally, and show the impact.

I wrote Why We Give to explore all of this in depth: the hidden psychology of generosity, and how to help donors find joy in giving.

Sources

• Neon One on the Q4 2025 Fundraising Effectiveness Project report
• Stanford GSB on Small, Loewenstein and Slovic (2007)
• J-PAL on Karlan and List (2007)
• Dunn, Aknin and Norton, "Spending Money on Others Promotes Happiness," Science, 2008